The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot
by TheGoddessOfDuckTape
Summary: Leo couldn't stop thinking about her ever since he left Ogygia. Now join his delirious mind as he tries to return to her. Hilarious things happen and at the end... Maybe? Just maybe, Leo could get his 'Happily Ever After.'
1. Seriously Overpriced Coffee

**This is my first fanfic and it is dedicated to my friend, autumnflame who got burned by a stapler (If you don't get it, check out my profile).**

**She has recently written a fanfic called, 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.' Please read it! :)**

**Sadly, I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or the Heroes of Olympus or there would be a llama invasion by book two.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Seriously Overpriced Coffee

"She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me…"

Petals littered the air as he continued his ritual. Leo had fallen in love and he had fallen hard.

At first, he did things traditionally by saying, 'She-Loves-Me and She-Loves-Me-Not.'

But after thinking about it (Yes people, Leo does think), he decided that he was really awesome and hot and a sexy beast. Eventually Leo started saying,

"She loves me,

I'm awesome.

She loves me,

I'm hot.

She loves me,

I'm smoking hot.

She loves me,

I'm sexy.

She loves me,

I'm a sexy beast…"

The truth was, Leo was really enchanted by Calypso. Sure she was still left on that little island of hers (O-gee-gee-a or something), but that didn't mean that he couldn't daydream about her. Right?

Eventually, Leo did run out of petals on the sunflower. He knew that he should've chosen roses because they were more romantic but Shrek used a sunflower and if Shrek used it, it was good enough.

"She loves me," Leo softly murmured. "She loves me." He floated around in a daze. "Does she really love me?" Leo was in a trance as he waltzed over to the cafe.

A pretty girl looked up from the cash register. Now people, if Leo was being himself, he would never give up an opportunity to madly flirt with a pretty lady but it seemed that after crashlanding on the beach, no one could possibly compare to her.

"One short black please," Leo slurred while grinning like a mental patient.

"And would you like anything else with that?" the girl asked cordially.

"No, thank you." No thank you?! No thank you?! He looked down at his palms and then turned them around. What had he become?!

"That would be $4.50, please."

"You know I only ordered one, right?"

She frowned and gave an amused smile at the same time.

"That was one…"

Leo was starting to feel glum and miserable again. She had won the battle, but he would win the war when she saw what he put in his coffees.

"Can I get the coffee in an extra-large cup?"

"Do I want to know why?"

"Probably not."

"That would be $4.75, please."

You guys must be thinking, short black? No way would Leo order a short black. But trust me, he had his reasons.

When the order arrived, he thought, 'This coffee had better be worth $4.75.'

Leo headed over to the counter where the cafe supplied sugar, creamer, whipped cream, syrups, sprinkles and all that over stuff you got in a cafe.

Leo smirked. Let the games begin.

* * *

Leo slowly sipped his coffee.

The others were going to meet him soon and he would let them think that he was drinking coffee when in actuality he was drinking a beverage with 15 times the normal amount of sugar, creamer, syrups and sprinkles. And the rest of the cup was filled with whipped cream which totally explains why he asked for an extra-large cup. Then he added a lid, so it didn't look suspicious.

Leo watched as the Argo II pulled into the harbour.

"They're here."

**BRING ON THE FLAMES PEOPLE, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. The Celebrations for Outdoor Furniture

**Hi everyone! I'm back!**

**I might not be able to update every single day but I'll just make up for it in advance just in case.**

**Please also read my friend's fanfic: The Misadventures of a Bald Emo**

**Thanks!**

**I do not own PJO because Rick Riordan does and if I took over writing PJO, Percabeth would die… :(**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Celebrations for Outdoor Furniture

If Leo was feeling fine right now, he'd push past all the pedestrians, rush down the stairs, roll over a few picnic tables to make it look cool, barrel past his friends, climb aboard the ship and deeply embrace the masthead of his wondrous creation. And after some quality time with the Argo II, he'd gracefully stumble onto the harbour to greet his friends.

Fortunately for all those picnic tables out there, Leo wasn't feeling normal in the slightest. YAY for outdoor furniture!

The thing was, he really didn't even notice his friends as they walked off the Argo II and looked around. His mind was still on Calypso. Leo really couldn't think straight. She was so pretty and smart and strong and best of all, she didn't mind getting her hands dirty, and he mention she was pretty?

He sighed. It was useless. By the time he found her again, she would probably forget all about him. It was a sad life. 'Wait,' he thought. 'If nobody else visits Ogygia, she'll never forget me! I'm the hero that wasn't actually a hero. I'm one of a kind.'

Leo hated the fact that he was beginning to lose faith in himself. So much faith that he had gone into Guidance Counsellor Mode. He shook it off and once again thought, 'What have I become?!'

The six of his remaining friends that hadn't fallen into Tartarus walked up the stone steps and walked up to him. Leo looked up at them from the table.

"Man! Now I going to need a bigger table," he whined.

Piper nearly knocked him out of his chair with a hug. "Leo! Gods, where have you been?"

"Valdez!" Coach Hedge grinned. Then he seemed to remember he had a reputation to protect and he forced a scowl. "You ever disappear like that again, you little punk, I'll knock you into next month!"

Frank patted Leo on the back so hard it made him wince. Even Nico shook his hand.

Hazel kissed Leo on the cheek. "We thought you were dead!"

Leo mustered a faint smile. "Hey, guys. Nah, nah, I'm good." But even though he said he was fine, he really didn't feel that well. His hands weren't twitching or fidgeting with the bits of metal in his pocket as usual. He felt like now he had a reason to live.

He had sworn on the River Styx to find his way back to her and now he wasn't so focused on 'The storm or fire the world must fall' anymore. He was happy and sad at the same time. And they said that only girls had mega mood swings… Wow.

Leo started poking his head into the clouds when Coach Hedge recounted Piper's mad jujitsu and kung fu skills. Then he dropped straight back down when Piper mentioned something about Festus. He raised his eyebrows suspiciously,

"But Festus was deactivated."

"Um, about that," Piper said as if it was the most usual situation in the world. "I sort of woke him up."

"How?" Leo questioned. It seemed as if he was challenging her.

Piper didn't respond to the challenge but she explained how she used her charmspeak to reboot the metal machinery of the dragon.

Leo murmured a few words that included 'Shouldn't be possible,' 'vocal recognition,' 'navigational method' and 'crystal.'

"Crystal?"

"Um… nothing." Leo wanted to avoid the conversational topic of Calypso as long as he could. Well, at least until he felt like he was ready to share.

A waitress came over to offer them menus. In no time they were chowing down sandwiches and sodas, enjoying the sunny day almost like a group of regular teenagers being chaperoned by a short but intimidating looking man. Well as normal as these people - five ADHD and dyslexic kids, one lactose-intolerant kid and a goat man with anger issues - could get.

Frank grabbed a tourist brochure stuck under the napkin dispenser and began to read it. Piper couldn't believe that Leo was actually there so she took it out on his poor arm by patting it every few moments. Nico was alert the whole time eyeing all the passing pedestrians as if they could attack at any moment using the everyday objects that they were carrying. Coach hedge munched on the salt and pepper shakers.

Leo and Piper couldn't help put glare at Coach Hedge's everyday habits. Coach seemed to notice.

"What?" he asked guiltily.

Then he said in his own defence, "Monsters could come by and use them as dangerous weapons! I'm doing you a favour!"

The entire group gave shaky laughs.

**BRING ON THE FLAMES PEOPLE, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for reading this! The thing is, I'm not really having much luck in getting favourites, follows or reviews from anyone aside my best friend. Awkward…**

**Anyway, please review and tell me how you feel!**


	3. Cravings for Lemonade and Stew

**Hi! It's so great that you are actually reading this. Thanks for clicking 'The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot' and bothering to read this far!**

**Please read through the chapter and later review to tell me how you feel about it.**

**I most definitely do not own Percy Jackson because if I did, Luke would still be alive and well.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Cravings for Lemonade and Stew

Being back with his friends was great and all but he couldn't help but miss being with Calypso.

He wanted to be back I his shed working hard and sweating while Calypso worked with him. He honestly missed her lemonade and stew. The enchanted dishes and glasses on the Argo II simply couldn't compare to her homemade cooking.

'Her cooking really is good,' he mused. Then he realised that when you were under solitary confinement on an island for thousands of years, what else was there to do?

He sighed woefully and wondered if the rest of his life was to be filled with woeful sighs. 'Calypso wouldn't want me to sulk around.' Guidance Counsellor Mode was back, and the worst thing was that he was trying it on himself.

'There's no hope for me,' he thought. 'What kind of a sixteen year old boy am I? I'm worried about girls and feelings! Gross!' He decided that he was simply going to have to man up and suck it up. He could secretly try and find his way back to the island without the others finding out.

Obviously, Jason just had to come in at the 'right' moment.

* * *

"So where were you while you were gone?" Jason asked solemnly. Jason looked more like a rebel now that he had a groove in his haircut and the scar on the side of his lips was adding to the bad boy look.

'I'm supposed to be the bad boy around here,' he complained in his head. 'Team Leo and Bad Boy go together, right?'

"Er, I uh, crashed landed on an island…"

"And where exactly was that?"

"Er, I don't really know."

"Then how did find your way back?"

"Oh… Er… I… Er… Just walked around and asked random strangers."

"M-hmm…" Jason said with one very, very raised eyebrow. "Tell me the truth."

Leo didn't really know what to do. If he told, he was scared that the memory of Calypso wouldn't be as special to him. If he didn't… Well a son of Jupiter. Alone in a room. No witnesses. You do the math.

After his first quest with Jason and Piper, he knew that he could really trust both off them even though their stories were way more interesting than his.

"Ogygia."

"What about Ogygia?"

Leo gave a large sigh and let it all out.

"I crash landed on Ogygia where a Titan's daughter named Calypso is being imprisoned because she supported her father in the first war. She hated me and I hated her and then she had awesome food and fire-proof clothes and then she helped me with building a raft and gave me my jacket and I'm in love with her!" Leo was very surprised that he didn't explode from his heart thumping like fireworks. Being ADHD really didn't help.

"So basically, you fell in love with an immortal?"

"Your point?!"

"Nothing…" Jason said with a brooding look. "How are you going to get back to her?"

"I can't. She said that no man ever finds Ogygia twice."

"I know that look. You're still going to try right?

"I have to… Because I swore on the River Styx."

Jason had his little 'GASP' moment there.

"But you just said that no man ever find Ogygia twice!"

"Nope. She said that. But I will rescue Calypso from Ogygia one day. Besides, after swearing on the River Styx, I really don't have a choice, do I?" Leo said casually.

"And what about that crystal?"

From one of his pockets on the jacket, Leo pulled out the crystal that Calypso had chinked out of her cave for him.

"With this, the navigational device should work."

"Should? Should doesn't really reassure me," Jason nervously told Leo.

Leo smirked.

"With my mad skills, what could possibly stop us?"

Jason opened his mouth to reply but Leo clamped his hand over it.

"It was a rhetorical question."

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Hi to all beloved readers!**

**Please review and tell me if there's anything that needs improving!**


	4. Seeking Guidance from Happy the Dragon

**Hi everyone!**

**Please enjoy this chapter and have fun reading it!**

**I absolutely do not own PJO or HoO because Tyson said so. Right, Tyson?**

**Tyson: Peanut Butter**

**Me: Close enough!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Seeking Guidance from Happy the Dragon

After his talk with Jason, Leo didn't feel any better than he did before. If anything, it just made him even more confused. His head felt as if it could explode from all of the combat inside his mind.

It wasn't like he could take his chances by ditching the quest and letting Gaia take over the world. Right now, all he could possibly do was try and get the navigational device to work. But he couldn't help dreaming about his future if he ever found his way back to Ogygia.

Leo thought about his own childhood. It was really lonely without anyone his own age around the neighbourhood. The disadvantages of being an only child. Maybe if he ever found Calypso, they could have two kids together so that no one would get bored. Was it legal for demigods and immortals to "get-together" anyway?

The more he thought about it, the more chaotic his got. Soon it was basically a full blown-out war. Phrases and sentences floated around his head.

'No man ever finds Ogygia twice.'

'You're really warming up to me.'

'You can't come back.'

'That's the rule.'

'Don't give me any empty promises.'

What was he supposed to do now? He had clearly said, 'I'm coming back for you. I swear it on the River Styx.' Of course, if he couldn't find his way back to Ogygia, what would happen to him?

When Zeus broke the oath, Thalia turned into a tree. Leo hoped that he'd have better luck. But with his luck, he probably just jinxed himself… It was a sad life.

Calypso was definitely someone who deserved freedom after thousands of years in captivity but was she honestly worth the destruction of the world? It was basically choosing 'the girl of your dreams with a side of the end of the world' or 'heroically saving the world but losing the girl.'

Tough decision.

Leo lugged himself out of bed and shuffled him way to the Dining Hall just in time for lunch. He demanded the enchanted dish and glass for lemonade and stew. His usual lunch was pancakes and ginger beer but he figured that it would be a tribute to Calypso. He was scared that if he didn't think about her often, he would eventually forget all about her.

He slowly raised his right hand and sipped the stew. It really couldn't compare to Calypso's but it was kind of motivation because there was a voice inside his head saying, 'Go get Calypso or you'll never taste good homemade stew ever again!' The strange thing was, it worked.

After that not-very-satisfactory meal Leo shuffled back to his cabin. On the way there, he heard voices. One feminine and one masculine.

"I'm telling you he's met someone and now he's heartsick," the feminine voice whispered. Leo quickly pressed himself to the wall and poked his head to check out what was on the other side of that corner. He saw Hazel and Frank exchange a very quiet conversation. Alarmed, he pulled his head back and just listened in.

"How can you tell?" Frank asked in a failed attempt at whispering.

"I'm a thirteen year old girl, I just know these things."

Leo shrunk down. Was it really that obvious? He thought about it and then changed direction. When in need, talk to a machine.

* * *

Leo was now below decks and looking for a bronze dragonhead. It wasn't very difficult. Giant head, enclosed space. You just think about it.

Leo put his hand on Festus.

Creak.

"You wouldn't happen to be awesome at giving girl advice would you, big guy?" Leo asked desperately.

Creak.

Leo must've been really desperate if he had to resort to a metal dragon.

He gave up and left.

If machinery couldn't help in the department of love, maybe love's daughter could.

**Thanks for reading, people! :D**

**I write short chapters so I should be able to update a lot.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me what you think!**


	5. A Chat with the Daughter of Love

**Have fun reading this chapter and later, please review and tell me how you feel about.**

**If you haven't already, also read my friend's fanfic. It's called 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.'**

**I do not own the Heroes of Olympus because if I did, Calypso wouldn't still be imprisoned on Ogygia.**

**Leo: So you're telling me that I won't break the River Styx oath and turn into a tree?!**

**Me: Um… No, no, not at all. I was just saying that if I owned PJO, I would release Calypso from Ogygia.**

**Leo: Tell me what to do! Anything! I don't wanna be a tree!**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ A Chat with the Daughter of Love

"So basically, you're in love with an immortal girl who's stuck on an island for supporting the titans in the First War," Piper slowly said as she took it all in.

"And Calypso told me that no one could ever go to Ogygia twice or something like that," Leo added.

"It really isn't looking good for you but if my mom was here, she'd say it doesn't matter because love will conquer all…" Piper said disdainfully.

"Yeah, so what do you think I should do?"

"Can't you IM her?" Piper suggested.

"Thank you so much for your help!" Leo yelped as he embraced his saviour.

Piper frowned and tilted her head. She was officially confused.

"Why didn't you think of that before? Wasn't that the obvious solution?"

Leo pondered over it and did a mental facepalm.

"Calypso mentioned that Iris Messages didn't work on Ogygia because it was cut off from the rest of the world… There goes that idea!"

"Leo, why don't you enchant the walls of the Dining Hall so that they show Ogygia instead of Camp Half-Blood? Besides, everybody gets homesick when they look at the walls anyway. It's not like anyone's going to miss them. And you could somehow get the sound too."

Leo started pondering again.

"I can't. To do that, I'll need connection between the two areas. Like say if her side has something metal or- I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"

Leo ran out Piper's room and into the control room. After flipping a few switches to make it look like he totally knew exactly what he was doing, Leo pulled out a few pieces of metal from his pocket and some wires out of the glove box. His utility belt was tightly strapped around his waist and Leo's welding goggles were stashed in the compartment underneath the cup holders.

He was ready for action.

* * *

Four hours and six burns later, Leo wasn't anywhere near done. His idea was to display an image or message streamed from the Argo II to a project that he was working on in Ogygia.

Hopefully, Calypso still visited his "man-cave" occasionally and would notice the message he left behind.

'She's probably too caught up in other work. Calypso's a goddess, for heaven's sake!' Leo thought. But when he thought about it again, he realised that it wasn't like she was busy doing other stuff. You know, other stuff like making lemonade and stew for herself…

One of his projects on Ogygia was making a TV so that he wouldn't be completely cut off from the outside world. Television was something he needed to survive. Besides, it was one of the only pieces of technology that didn't hate him. Demigods and technology didn't mix. Being a child of Hephaestus didn't actually help with that factor.

If Leo had the skills to reprogram it (Which he totally does because everyone knows that Team Leo is awesome!), he would be capable of communicating with Calypso provided that she had the device switched on… That could possibly be a problem.

It was finally complete. Leo has spent forever on it and used up most of his supplies but it was nevertheless complete.

He switched it on and found that Calypso hadn't done the same with the TV on her side.

If Piper wasn't good enough then he would simply have to go one step further.

Leo desperately needed help and he knew the right person to go to.

**So guys, who do you think it is? I'm open to any suggestions in the reviews section and while you're at it, please tell me how you feel about this fanfic.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please also be on alert for my next chapter! :)**


	6. Makeover Magic

**Sorry!**

**I didn't get any relevant reviews so I decided on the next featured character on my own! Thanks for reading anyway.**

**I do not own PJO because if I did, it would be a laughing stock for all its punctuation and grammatical errors.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Makeover Magic

"O Iris, goddess of the rainbow, accept my offering," Leo chanted as he threw a golden drachma into the mist. Now in this case, we are talking about "mist-mist" and not the Mist.

"Show me Aphrodite, the goddess of love at Mount Olympus."

The rainbow shimmered and the most beautiful woman in the whole world showed up. Leo vigorously shook it off. He was in love with Calypso and this goddess couldn't compare to her.

But Leo Valdez couldn't help but gaze at her kaleidoscope irises. She had the 'same' eye colour as her daughter.

Aphrodite's image flickered and showed a famous celebrity Leo had a crush on in third grade. It wasn't until then that he realised that she had pretty, blonde ringlets. That was scary. There was no way he would look at her the same way ever again if she had the same hairstyle as the girl who always looked like she wanted to kill him (Annabeth).

"Leo Valdez, I admire your loyalty," Aphrodite said gracefully. It seemed as if the words just floated out of her mouth. Then out of nowhere, Aphrodite froze but immediately regained her posture. "You're drooling."

Leo quickly wiped the area around his mouth with his already dirty sleeve which resulted in machine grease all over his face.

"Uh, Leo? You've got a little something everywhere," the beauty exclaimed as she gestured all over her own face.

Leo was starting to get agitated.

"You know what Leo? Just forget about that. I'll come over right away and give you a makeover," Aphrodite said reassuringly. An ear-piercing squeal followed that statement.

Leo started to complain, "But Your Highness, I only wanted to talk to you abo-"

"Yes Leo, I know. We'll have that chat as soon as I come over. Kay?" the goddess of love told him.

It made Leo feel better. Not a lot, but better nonetheless.

* * *

"So Leo, let's start with hair, shall we?" Aphrodite asked. Though the question seemed like it was directed towards Leo, Aphrodite was in actually talking to herself. A short, scrawny boy like him would require a lot of work. It could need hair gel.

"I think I've figured out the perfect style for you.

"I don't get a say in this do I?" Leo half-whimpered.

"You don't if you still want my advice about Calypso. How about that makeover now?" Aphrodite said smiling. She knew that she had won.

"Fine."

Leo looked at himself in the floor-length mirror that Aphrodite had brought along with her. There sure were perks of being a major goddess.

"Are you sure that hair gel's my style?" Leo asked. He was really uncertain about his new look. Aphrodite had told him that every girl loves a bad boy but Leo really didn't know how Calypso would feel. "Are you sure that Calypso even likes a bad boy?"

"Leo, honey. Everybody loves a bad boy." Aphrodite stretched the word loves into two syllables.

He looked at himself in the mirror again. His hair was upright and unruly with help from A LOT of hair gel. Leo wore a short sleeve T-shirt with fake long sleeves because Aphrodite said that layering was "so totally in the now." Under that, was a pair of black skinny jeans and knee length boots.

Aphrodite contemplated his new look.

"I'm just going to throw on a leather jacket. Perfect!" she squealed.

But Leo hated it. Absolutely hated it.

He looked like Nico di Angelo the emo. Leo didn't want to be emo!

"Your Highness, I don't want to be emo!" Leo yelped.

"What do you mean?" Aphrodite asked as she stepped back. "Hm… I see your point." She sighed deeply. "Oh well, there goes my idea of making you a bad boy… Why don't we try a casual look now?"

Leo praised the gods. Nemesis, Tyche and Fortuna were finally acknowledging his existence!

'Halleluiah-leluiah-leluiah. Halleluiah-leluiah-leluiah,' Leo sang in his head.

Aphrodite waved her hand over Leo and his leather jacket disappeared. Replaced his knee length boots was a pair of slightly shabby sneakers.

Aphrodite sighed again, but this time with contentment.

"I guess casual really is your style… Now, about your little chat."

**Thanks so much for reading so far. Remember this is my first fanfic so don't expect impressive stuff like fireworks, okay?**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please tell me how you feel about my story via reviews! :)**


	7. Love is Pathetic

**Thank you very much for reading all the way to Chapter 7!**

**Please also read my friend's fanfic, 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo' if you haven't already.**

**Feel free to review once you're done reading the chapter.**

**I do not own PJO or HoO, right Percy?**

**Percy: Who cares about whom owns my life story when I'm stuck in Tartarus?!**

**Annabeth: Honey, calm down… You're high blood pressure…**

**Percy: Sure sweetie. TheGoddessOfDuckTape does not own PJO.**

**Annabeth: She's not really a goddess is she…?**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Love is Pathetic

"Please help me, you have to! Please do this favour for me!" Leo cried. He was practically begging on his knees.

"Seeing as it's for the sake of love, I'll help you Leo. Well… I'm off. I'm glad we had this chat. Ta!" Aphrodite said casually.

Ta? Seriously? Ta? That was like saying toodles. It was kind of pathetic but how could Leo say that in front of her face? It was a pity… Leo was far too much of a gentleman to tell her that.

"Thank you so much! I love you! No! I love Calypso more! I am forever in your debt! I'll do anything to repay you! No wait! I don't wanna give you a drop of my blood and let you enslave me forever! NO!" Leo was whining and on the border of wailing.

Aphrodite chuckled at Leo's inappropriate behaviour and sighed. "The things that I'd do for love."

* * *

Leo sat in front the television desperately wanting it to light up.

He hoped that Aphrodite would hurry up and fulfil his only wish (Only wish as in the only one that didn't involve becoming the emperor of the world or any attractive females). It was a tiny favour.

The screen flickered and showed the cave but that wasn't the first thing he noticed. Of course, the first thing he noticed was the most beautiful girl on the planet. But when Leo thought about it, was Ogygia actually on the planet? 'Okay,' he thought, 'Scratch that. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen was on the other side of the message.'

"C-C-Calypso? Is that you?" Leo stuttered. He was inches away from hugging and kissing the screen.

"How did you do it? This must be really hi-tech if you managed to make a connection from Ogygia to the rest of the world," Calypso said in awe.

Leo blushed furiously. After the farewell kiss, he felt even more awkward than usual around her. 'I guess kisses just make things awkward between anyone. Gotta impress her. Gotta impress her,' he yelled inside his head.

"Uh, I just did a bit of rerouting and frequency adjusting. Er… and then I had to rewire a TV back on the Argo II and the-"

"Just stop Leo."

He blushed like a tomato. That usually only happened he got really caught up on a new machine or project.

"You're telling me that you did all that complicated stuff just to talk to me?"

She looked surprised and taken aback. No one had ever done anything special just for her.

"Yeah…" Leo said slowly, scratching his head. "Uh, I just wanted to talk about starting Leo and Calypso's Auto Repair. You know… Fresh fruits and vegetables, lemonade and stew, singing and bursting into flames…

"I worked so hard to get rid of you and now I have to put up with you again?!" Calypso joked.

Leo feigned a look of shock and horror.

"I am hurt that you would think that!" he said sarcastically and sassily.

The two of them shared a chuckle.

"Just like old times, hmm?"

"Just like old times."

* * *

Leo spent hours with Calypso across the TV.

They had a conversation filled with laughter and a lot of explains. There were stories to tell about adventures (From Leo) and reports on how the vegetation was growing (From Calypso).

Frank had to drag Leo away from the "Supreme Commander's" room. The girls were worried because he had already missed two meals. Personally, Frank couldn't care less but he was just doing it for Hazel's sake.

The things people did for love… It really was pathetic.

**Thank you for reading! :D**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Please review and tell me how you feel!**

**I'm kind of stuck on the plot right now so feel free to give me suggestions.**


	8. Coach Hedge Saves the World

**Hi everyone!**

**I know I've been telling you to read 'The Misadventures of a Bald Emo' a lot but it's a really good and funny story, so please read it. Thanks for all your favourites, follows and reviews.**

**For all those readers out that actually read Author's Notes, I am having a contest.**

**Send in your randomest/favourite words via reviews. I will pick the TOP 3 words tomorrow (Saturday, 11****th**** of January, 2013) and feature them in Chapter 10. Additionally, first prize gets to read Chapter 10 before anybody else does.**

**I do not own PJO because if I did, there'd be flying llamas that refused to eat anything but tacos or marshmallows.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Coach Hedge Saves the World

A loud crash came echoing from the hull of the ship. Even though Leo was on video chat with Calypso, he dropped everything and went to see what was wrong.

"Way to show you're serious about it!" Calypso screamed from the TV.

Leo immediately halted in his tracks and started jogging backwards. He got on his knees in front of the television. "Please! I'm not going to find another pro-" Leo pleaded.

"YOU KNOW I'M JOKING, RIGHT?!" Calypso screeched.

"Oh. Er, sorry anyway!"

* * *

"What was that?" Calypso asked curiously.

"Oh, it was nothing. Just a demigod back from the dead. Gaia's his patron and he pledged his life for her cause or something," Leo said as if it wasn't really a big deal.

"I sense a story about your heroics, am I right?" Calypso asked sarcastically. She leaned forward as if anticipating a really intense and interesting story.

"Well obviously, I was the one who saved the world and if it wasn't for me, all the countries would be in desperate turmoil," Leo replied in the same manner. "I'll get Coach Hedge to recount the entire heroic story."

From his personal experience, Leo knew that it was extremely difficult to drag the manly/goatly chaperone from reruns of a Chuck Norris cage match. Leo even had to tell the satyr that there was a giant batch of tin cans watching for him in the Supreme Commander's cabin.

"So Leo tells me that he singlehandedly saved the world?"

Anyone could tell that Calypso didn't believe Leo's version of the story. You could also tell from Calypso's face that she wasn't exactly the best actress in the world. She was definitely holding back a torrent of giggles.

Coach Hedge looked outraged. "SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THERE'S NO FREE FOOD?!"

Leo looked around for an escape plan.

"Wait… Did you just say that this cupcake singlehandedly save the world?! Ha! That mini chocolate cupcake with pink icing wouldn't be able to take on a dryad! It was all my work!"

Leo raised an eyebrow. "Mm-hm, that's totally what happened…"

The agitated satyr ignored Leo and continued on with telling his little fantasy.

"And I was being all like a Kung Fu assassin and giving him a mega roundhouse kick. Then he tried to use his super powers to stop me but I was all 'I'm gonna kill you!' I was so vicious that he was all 'OMG, you're way too scary.' And that was how I defeated the enemy," Coach Hedge recounted proudly.

Calypso raised an eyebrow. "Mm-hm, that's totally what happened…"

Coach Hedge glanced at the watch wrapped around his wrist.

"Uh, I gotta go and make a ca- I mean, uh, I gotta go and uh… watch another cage match."

"Bye, Coach!" Leo called to the retreating satyr.

"Farewell, Teller of Stories. Come again soon and tell us another story," Calypso said sweetly.

The satyr turned around to glare at the two of them but then left because of two reasons.

1) It was really hard to glare at two people at the same time and

2) He really had somewhere to be.

"So is this what you do in your spare time?" questioned Calypso with an amused look.

Leo couldn't help but shrug.

* * *

"We found them."

"Are you certain?"

"There's only one flying ship out there with a chicken nugget shield."

"Ah yes… I see. In that case, it's definitely them."

"Do you want to tell Master or do you want to?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Thanks."

**Just a reminder that there's a contest.**

**Just pick your randomest/favourite word and post it via reviews.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and please review to tell me how you feel about me writing.**


	9. Roasted Crab for Lunch

**Thank you for all of the entries.**

**The winners from last chapter's contest are:**

**1****st**** Place:**

**jl7299 (hobos)**

**2****nd**** Place:**

**Irisa0815 (sammich)**

**3****rd**** Place:**

**Angelo29 (cats)**

**A copy of Chapter 10 will be waiting in your inbox, jl7299!**

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**I do not own any of the characters in PJO because they would totally object to being owned by a crazy psycho girl.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Roasted Crab for Lunch

"When's the launch?"

"Any minute now."

"Want a brownie?"

"No! Why would someone evil like us want sugary baked goods?"

"I'm sad… One of my brownies are missing… I'll have to make a LOST Poster now…

* * *

"You could be soprano and I'd be the bass line. And whenever we reach the chorus, I could burst in a mega flame ball," Leo bubbled excitedly.

Calypso chuckled lightly. "How many times do we have to go over this?! I already agreed the first time."

Leo shrugged and replied, "I just wanted to make sure that you remember your commitment." He knew that he and Calypso had already discussed it a multiple number of times but he wasn't really sure what she would do if her curse was ever broken.

What if the moment her curse disappeared, she ran off to Percy? He had to make sure that he knew where her loyalties lied.

Leo was sure that made him sound like some evil mastermind. He didn't know how to put it.

He wanted to read her mind. He wanted to know how she really felt about him.

"Just what am I to you?" Leo asked boldly. He never really had the guts to ask that before. Leo wasn't certain what had changed. What had had provoked his conscience to finally say exactly what was on his mind?

"What do you mean?" Calypso still asked in a light and casual tone.

Her head tilted in an absolutely adorable way.

'It looks so cute on her,' Leo thought. Then realising what he had been thinking about, Leo instantly shook his head vigorously.

"I mean, what am I? Your friend, your best friend, your future-colleague, your b-b-boyfriend?"

Calypso opened her mouth to reply and then seemed to reconsider. She took on a look of shock and anger.

"What do you want to be?!" she screamed.

Leo stumbled over his words. "Er… Um… I-Uh…"

Calypso's face contorted into disgust.

"I thought we've al-"

She didn't even bother finishing her sentence and stormed off angrily. Seconds later she stormed back and switched off the television.

* * *

Leo decided to spend the rest of the day sulking. His day just couldn't get worse, could it?

He lazily dragged his feet to the main control room and sat in a comfortable chair.

Leo thought about his feelings.

'Average sixteen year old boys probably didn't spend their time thinking about their feeling,' Leo thought. If he was in the human world, kids around his age would probably shun him for being girly or scrawny. Life was so sad… It was either get bullied by kids or get killed by monsters.

How did it all start? It all began with a simple, "Just what am I to you?" A small question like that had caused all of his problems. Now they were never going to start 'Leo and Calypso's Auto Repairs,' get married, have kids or die together at old age. The last part however was probably never going to happen anyway.

Leo's life seriously could not get any worse, or so he thought.

A flaming cannonball sailed through the air and hit the main control room. Argo II was sinking.

It was official, Leo Valdez's life was just plain pathetic.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Piper screeched.

"YOU THINK I KNOW?!" her boyfriend yelled.

A voice from the upper decks screamed, "CRAB ON THE LOOSE!"

A crab? Leo remembered a magical crustacean from Greek Mythology. Although he had only attended a few lessons of Monster Training, he still recalled a few key points.

Karkinos was a giant crab that had fought alongside Hercules against the Hydra.

It turned out that it was actually the crab that had managed to kill the Hydra in the end and not Hercules (Contrary to popular belief).

And of course, Hercules being Hercules took all the glory. On top of that, Hercules roasted the crab and ate it.

Now after a gazillion years, it was completely resurrected and prepared for revenge.

**BRING ON THE FLAMES COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for all your contest entries and for reading this chapter!**

**Please review and tell me if there's anything that needs to be improved.**


	10. Total Cupcake Domination

**Just a reminder, the words used in this chapter submitted by the readers are- HOBO, SAMMICH & CAT.**

**Please READ and REVIEW!**

**I do not own PJO, for I own a tomato.**

**It's so poetic, don't you think? I got my skills from my dad (Apollo).**

_**The Adventure of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Total Cupcake Domination

Despite the fact that his precious ship was been taken apart by flaming cannon balls and a giant crab, Leo was curled up in a ball in front of the television. He wanted to apologise, desperately but he couldn't communicate with Calypso until she switched the TV on her side on.

He'd do almost anything for her to forgive him. All Leo wanted was for the love of his life to talk to him again. 'Did I just call Calypso the love of my life?" Leo asked himself. 'I'M TURNING ALL SAPPY LIKE PERCY! NO!'

Frank cautiously stepped into the control room and turned to face the cowardly Supreme Commander.

"In case you didn't notice, our ship is under attack and you're just sitting there like a **hobo**," Frank said as he prodded Leo's arm. "Hello?"

Leo slowly raised his head to look Frank in the eye. "You think I don't know that?" The tone was soft but dangerous.

"Do you want this quest to fail?"

It was a fairly simple question. Yes or no, but Leo had trouble answering.

Thankfully, in the middle of an awkward moment, the TV flickered to life.

"CALYPSO! I'm so sorry, I'll never ask you that again. Please forgi-" Leo started.

"I don't want your stupid apology, Leo." Calypso was clearly feeling quite rude and even cut off Leo from his dramatic apology.

"What were you going to say? Hm?" Calypso had her arms folded across her chest. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll do anything you want?!" she imitated with a high-pitched voice.

Calypso straightened her posture and said in a dignified manner, "I just called to let you know that I've moved on. I've gotten over you." She was cradling a **cat** in a very tender and loving position.

"I found this poor little kitten washed up on the beach and somehow, it didn't crash land on it or destroy it!" With every syllable she spoke, her voice got higher and squeakier until she could barely manage anything at all.

"I have named this poor defenceless animal Percy!" Calypso raised Percy high into the air with both hands like in The Lion King.

"Are you sure it's a he?" Frank asked awkwardly. He really didn't want to be in the firing lines of an arguing couple but the cat really did look like a she.

Calypso hesitated. "Just wait a minute."

She turned the kitten over and scrutinised it.

"I don't care if it's a girl and that's that! I love Percy more than you!"

And with that, the connection between the two of them was broken… Again.

"Does that mean you're helping us fight?" Frank asked hopefully.

Leo glared at him coldly and stormed out to join the battle.

* * *

Lots of kids wanted to be in exciting action movies but Leo seriously didn't understand what was so great about life-threatening situations.

Leo was working on the cannons and they had run into a little hitch. They were out of bronze cannon balls. He was going to have to make his own ammo.

* * *

He ran to the Dining Hall and got out an enchanted plate. He was hungry and in the mood for a **sammich** but Leo resisted the temptation.

"Gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations, please."

A dozen of the most disgusting cupcakes in the world appeared. Leo reached for another plate and asked for the "cupcakes" again.

In no time at all, Leo was barely managing to carry two heaping plates from the dining hall to the cannons. 'I am a genius,' Leo thought. 'No one else had ever thought of using cupcakes as ammo before, right? I am so original and awesome and epic and sexy… Any girl would be lucky to have someone like me.'

Leo fired the cannon and watched carefully to see what kind of damage it caused. A Cyclops lunged forward and swallowed it whole expecting it to be delicious. Obviously, the "cupcake" didn't live up to its expectations. The Cyclops swung his arms around and knocked out two other Cyclops and a centaur.

If one cupcake could take out four monsters, think of the damage that 24 could do!

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for reading and review to tell me how you feel about my story.**


	11. Weapons of Cosmic Destruction

**YAY! 1000+ views. Thanks for reading The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot.**

**If you haven't already, please also read my best friend's fanfic The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

**I do not own PJO or HoO because if I did, I wouldn't even bother writing a sequel to The Last Olympian or The Lightning Thief.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Weapons of Cosmic Destruction

"How many waves do we have left, soldier?" Leo demanded.

"You know we have an unlimited supply of cupcakes, right? So long as we have enchanted plates…" Jason replied slowly.

Leo nervously scratched his hair. "Yeah… I know, but it sounds way cooler when I put it like that, don't you think?"

* * *

"FIRE!"

Five cannons were simultaneously launched and a dozen monsters threw themselves forward to catch the baked goods even though they saw what had happened to their comrades.

Monsters, they never learn.

Who knew that five genetically engineered cupcakes could take out a total of twenty enemies? Maybe those monsters didn't get fed very much… They truly did seem famished… very famished.

The enemy fleet had around 2000 fighters. If the Argo II could launch five cupcakes at the same time and each wave could take out twenty monsters on average, it would take a hundred waves to defeat them. It would require 500 cupcakes… Leo almost felt sorry for those monsters…

Leo was manning the cannons with Jason, Nico, Frank and Coach Hedge. At first, the five of them were sharing two magical plates but it proved too tiring so Leo back to get more dishes.

Leo wasn't very sure of how many to get in order for everyone to have an equal number of plates. That was proof of how terrible he was at arithmetic. Confused, Leo just grabbed 9 enchanted plates and ran out to battle.

"Okay people, I've got more ammo." He passed two plates to everyone and realised that they was one extra. "Does anyone want an extra plate?" Leo asked.

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me, pick me!" Coach Hedge screamed while waving his arms around.

Leo threw the plate like a Frisbee towards the satyr and Coach Hedge caught it squarely in his mouth. The ceramic crunched in his mouth.

"Mmm! Tasty!"

Leo strutted back to his battle station and popped a cupcake into the cannon and fired which landed on the ground only to be picked up by an orange pincer. Leo turned stiff. It was the monster crab…

* * *

Karkinos was like the Boss of a video game level. Cyclops, centaurs, gorgons and drakons were easy to get rid of but Karkinos was the really difficult challenge.

The crab crushed the cupcake in his pincer and Leo gulped. That's probably what Karkinos would do if it ever got it's pincers on a scrawny boy like himself. Ouch!

Leo gave a shaky laugh. "Any good ideas, guys?"

Leo gave no hesitation to his own question. "Jason will go down and stab its belly."

"Why me?" Jason asked confused. "Why can't it be you? Or Frank? Or Nico?"

"You left me out…" Coach complained.

"You're the heroic one. You always save the world and defeat all the monsters. AND IN THE END, YOU ALWAYS GET THE GIRL!" Leo screamed before storming off.

He knew that he was being really inappropriate but he was still reeling from his breakup with someone he wasn't going out with in the first place.

Jason shrugged and flipped his coin. He turned around to see if Leo was back and then got off the ship. If no one else was going to volunteer, it was his responsibility.

* * *

Leo looked out the porthole and saw Jason stabbing his golden lance under Karkinos. The giant crab dissolved into sparkly dust. He was so lucky… Jason could save the world and get the girl. Why couldn't Leo do that?

It wasn't like he could make everything right again. Could he?

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry for taking so long to update but I've been stuck on the story plot because I didn't plan ahead. If you have any suggestions, please send them in via reviews.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Be on the look out for the next chapter!**


	12. She's Back!

**I'm so glad that people actually read this. Thanks for spending your time reading my first fanfic! Enjoy this chapter and have fun reading it! :)**

**I do not own PJO or HoO because no way am I motivated enough to write so many books...**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ She's back!

Leo sat in front of the television. He had been given one chance from Aphrodite to talk to the girl of his dreams and he had ruined it.

Leo was an inch away from killing off Frank and Jason because if he couldn't have love, why should they?

He shook himself out of it and realised what he had just thought. Was he really willing to kill his two guy friends just because they had perfect relationships?

Privately, Leo thought, 'If I could get Calypso back, it could be worth it…"

Obviously, Leo wouldn't do that seeing as the quest would be a failure if those two died.

'I do love her though… A lot…'

* * *

"Oh? Leo messed it up again? I guess I'll have to go and undo his dirty work…"

* * *

Calypso was doing the gardening when her tomatoes exploded.

"Oh my! Ew! Yuck, YUCK, Yuck, _YUCK_! Why do you plant these squish-able vegetables everywhere?! Urgh, now my outfit's dirty! Oh wait… I'm a goddess," the beautiful women rushed all in one breathe. She waved a hand over herself and then sighed in relief. "Much better…"

"Tomatoes are fruits…" Calypso slowly corrected.

"Oh?! Never mind… Sweetie? You do know that the scrawny, little lovesick boy is truly in love with you? Do you have any idea how hard I worked on recreating his image?! And he even asked me for dating advice?! He risked his manly pride to ask me how to deal with you!"

Calypso pondered over it. 'Does Leo really love me? Nah… If he really did, he would be able to tell how I really feel about him. You'd think that if he really knew me that well, he'd be capable of reading my emotions… really, really well.'

Calypso sniffed haughtily.

"He doesn't love me. Leo made that quite clear when he rejected me." That was when she realised what an ungoddessly thing she had said. "Besides, long distance relationships just don't work… You know?"

"Honey! Stop making excuses like that! The thing that you've got between the two of you… That's truly true love…" Aphrodite sighed and clasped her hands together. "True love… You can't deny it! The two of you were simply meant to be!"

Calypso rolled her eyes. Aphrodite was so cheesy; it was like she was reading from a soap opera script.

"And besides, Leo totally wants to you back. I mean like, look at him!" Aphrodite added excitedly as she waved her hand over the surface of the water in the fountain.

* * *

The foggy image showed Leo curled up in a ball on a couch. He was in an enclosed room with a bed, a wooden three legged table, a small wardrobe, a metal desk and a metal stool.

A macho looking Asian cautiously stepped into the control room and turned to face Leo. 'Or as I like to call it: the guy who really has trouble expressing his feeling regarding romance.

"In case you didn't notice, our ship is under attack and you're just sitting there like a hobo," the other boy said as he prodded Leo's arm. "Hello?"

Leo slowly raised his head to look the macho guy in the eye. "You think I don't know that?" The tone was soft but dangerous.

"Do you want this quest to fail?"

It was a fairly simple question but it looked like Leo had trouble answering.

The TV flickered to life.

"CALYPSO! I'm so sorry, I'll never ask you that again. Please forgi-" Leo started.

"I don't want your stupid apology, Leo." Calypso saw herself saying.

"What were you going to say? Hm?" Calypso (of the past) had her arms folded across her chest. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll do anything you want?!" she imitated with a high-pitched voice.

Calypso watched herself straighten her posture and say in a dignified manner, "I just called to let you know that I've moved on. I've gotten over you." She saw herself cradling a cat in a very tender and loving position.

"I found this poor little kitten washed up on the beach and somehow, it didn't crash land on it or destroy it!" With every syllable she spoke, her voice got higher and squeakier until she could barely manage anything at all. Calypso reflected on her past self. Two words. Vocal. Training.

"I have named this poor defenseless animal Percy!" Calypso proclaimed as she lifted the trembling feline in the air.

"Are you sure it's a he?" the other boy asked awkwardly. Calypso narrowed her eyes when she remembered how snide that boy was.

"Just wait a minute."

She turned the kitten over and scrutinised it.

"I don't care if it's a girl and that's that! I love Percy more than you!"

And with that, the connection between the two of them was broken.

"Does that mean you're helping us fight?" the Asian asked hopefully.

Leo glared at him coldly and stormed out of the room.

* * *

"I told you so…" Aphrodite taunted.

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

**Thanks for reading. Please review and give me suggestions!**


	13. The Never-Ending Silence

**Hey everyone!**

**Have fun reading my latest chapter and please review later to tell me how you feel.**

**If you haven't already, please also read my best friend's fanfic- The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

**I do not own PJO or any of its characters because if I did, I wouldn't bother to go to school...**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Never-Ending Silence

"No she doesn't."

Raised eyebrow.

"She doesn't."

Raised eyebrows.

"She doesn't"

Knowing look.

"Does not."

Intense knowing look.

"Does not."

"She totally does."

"Prove it."

Aphrodite made a duck-face. "I can't believe that I have to make two long distance calls in one day…" she complained disdainfully.

It seemed like she quickly changed her mind and heroically said, "It's for love's sake!"

Aphrodite waved her glamorous hand through the air and created a foggy image of Calypso.

"I told you he loved you," Aphrodite taunted.

"He's acting. He's faking."

"Are you sure, honey? You can't fake true love. Love conquers all. And that is why I'm the goddess of love," Aphrodite explained.

"And I didn't understand anything you just said because I am not the goddess of love," Calypso countered. She frowned and started twirling her hair. She looked like she really wasn't sure if Aphrodite was right about her love "vibes."

Aphrodite raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Trust me, I am an expert on love. Do you think that a goddess of love such as myself wouldn't know if two young souls have intimate feelings towards each other? If I was clueless, do you honestly believe that I could possibly be such a successful major goddess?"

Calypso slightly twitched her lips into a smile. The operative word being slightly.

"I'm five thousand."

Aphrodite gave an 'are you kidding me?' look.

"Please don't be snooty with me."

"Well, how do you know that Leo loves me, hmm? He doesn't even understand the relationship between us! He even asked me what he was worth to me?! If he truly loved me, then he would know what I felt about him?!" Calypso ranted.

The next five minutes were completely filled with Calypso's outrageous ranting so I won't bore you with the details.

"Calypso, sweetie. Let me tell you this, even someone who wasn't a goddess of love would be capable of seeing the chemistry between you two. Are you seriously going to waste that precious affection?" Aphrodite reassured Calypso.

Calypso bit her lower lip and thought about thought about it carefully.

"Fine, what do I have to do?"

Aphrodite grinned.

"I told you so! You love him. All you have to do is turn on that TV and talk to him."

Calypso then seemed to realise what she had just said.

"Just so you know, I'm not doing this because I love him. It's because I can't stand you here on my island ranting about the properties of true love, okay?"

"Stop making excuses. I knew you would see the reality, now go and talk to Leo Valdez!" Aphrodite smirked.

"So you're the evil mastermind behind Operation Love?" Leo asked.

"Of course not, Leo! Operation Love?! That is an utterly stupid name! I call it, Operation Caleo. See? Calypso and Leo make Caleo! I am such a genius! I call them: ship names. Like Percabeth, Frazel and Jasper! My favourite ship name is Arodite. It's Ares and Aphrodite! You see?"

Leo rolled his eyes. 'Goddesses these days,' he thought.

"What are you still doing here Leo? Calypso should be on the television any minute now. Why don't you go talk to her now and sort it out with her? You don't need to thank me. Toodles!" Aphrodite called out graciously as she disintegrated.

Leo was planning to thank the goddess but where she used to be standing was nothing but thin air.

"Thanks," Leo said to no one in particular.

"So…"

"So…"

"Hi…"

"Hi…"

"This is awkward…"

"I know right…"

"Are you going to say anything interesting?"

"Probably not…"

"So Aphrodite put you up to this?"

"Yeah…"

"So it's all her fault?"

"Yeah…"

"She said," Leo said while Calypso said, "I think."

"You first," the two of them said in unison.

"Kay," Leo said while Calypso said, "Oh, sure…"

This time, Leo stayed silent just in case Calypso going was going to say anything.

On the other hand, Calypso didn't say a word either because she knew Leo would be the type to say something immediately due to his ADHD.

And so began the never-ending silence.

**Thanks for reading, everyone!**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**

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**And please also review to give me suggestions about how to continue my story.**

**Thanks! :)**


	14. The Awkwardness Continues

**Hi to all readers out there!**

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**Keep on reading to find out what happens during Calypso and Leo's awkward silence! :)**

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_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Awkwardness Continues

"Who's your mum?"

"I dislike her too much to say her name."

"Can you spell it out?"

"I dislike her too much to spell her name."

"Fine, what's she like?"

"I dislike her too much to think about her."

"You're never going to tell me anything about her, are you?"

"Ooh! Would you look at that! An answer we both agree on!"

Leo held up his hands in surrender.

"Well, excuse me for trying to keep things rolling."

"Rolling? Seriously?" Calypso exclaimed. "My granny could come up with something better than that?!"

Leo saw an opening in the conversation.

"So who's your granny?"

Calypso couldn't help but groan while she held up her arms in exasperation.

"In case you don't remember, it's Gaia…"

"Oh… So you don't want to talk about it?" Leo asked Calypso awkwardly while shrugging.

Calypso's eyebrows looked like they wanted to run away from her perfect face.

"Gee… You think?!"

"Kay… Kay… that was obviously obvious. Sorry 'bout that. But you don't have to be so snooty about it."

Calypso was about to open her mouth and answer back sarcastically but then Leo remembered what happened last time he pissed her off so he quickly said,

""Wait! Forget I ever said anything. Just wait a minute."

Leo took a deep breath and then took a while to think up an apology.

"I'm really, really sorry. Please forget what I just. I never said anything. I am just a breathing corpse. Wait, no, that's not possible. Uh… Seriously! Forget I said anything."

Leo knew that it was a terrible apology and so cliché but it really wasn't like Leo could come up with anything better on the spot.

Leo clearly saw Calypso roll her eyes and mutter something colourful under her breath.

"So back to the awkward silence, right?" Leo murmured while slightly chewing his index finger.

"Yeah… I guess."

* * *

Leo looked at Calypso and it seemed like she thought of something.

"So… Leo? How's the Argo II being going?"

Leo thought about it. 'It took her two hours to of that pathetic conversation topic?'

"Um… We're doomed?"

"That's very… optimistic? Doesn't that mean you're probably going to die?"

"There's an eighty percent chance that the whole world's going to be enslaved by giants, a ten percent chance that we're only going to die and a fifteen percent chance that we're actually going to survive."

"You know… I'm right… You're way too optimistic. And going on epic quests to save the world really isn't helping your education, is it?"

Leo's ADHD and dyslexia really meant that his education was spotty at best. Demigods weren't exactly awesome at maths.

"Well all I can say is that we have a ninety chance of never returning alive or getting enslaved. None of the options sound really good so I guess we really can't fail…"

"Hmm… Excellent motivation?" Calypso joked lightly.

"Mais oui, an excellent motivator…"

"What does 'mais oui' mean?" Calypso giggled, confused.

"It's French for 'why yes.' You like it?"

The two of them were giggling away like there was no tomorrow.

"So does that mean that you've forgiven me yet?" Leo asked shyly.

He didn't want to anger her and have a replay of what happened last time.

"You think I'd still be here talking to you if I hadn't forgiven you?"

You know how they say only girls can do a duck-face? Well Leo completely disapproved of that saying. He believed in gender equality.

Well anyway, Leo made an adorable duck-face and shrugged.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

* * *

"How's it going?"

"It's… a work in progress."

"You know Gaia's gonna kill you right?"

"Dude, she's still asleep!"

"Remember last time when Scott died in his sleep and everyone thought it was an accident with his pepperoni pizza?"

"Oh yeah! He still owed me twenty six drachmas when he died…"

"I know the truth. He pissed off Gaia and she killed him in his dreams! She's too powerful!"

"Fine! Then I just won't sleep. Easy!

"You think that's the only way she can kill you?!"

"Damn…"

* * *

'Come closer, little hero. Come and free me from my slumber…'

**Thanks for reading! Please review to tell me how you feel and give me suggestions on the storyline.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	15. The Chicken Nugget Shield

**Hey everyone!**

**Sorry, but I desperately need suggestions on the plot so that I can keep the story regularly updated.**** I am open to any reasonable suggestions so please review later! :)**

**Sadly, I do not own PJO or any of its characters coz my name doesn't begin with Rick and end with Riordan.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ The Chicken Nugget Shield

"It's no use! We'll NEVER override the system. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Piper screeched.

"Do you know anyone who can hack it?!" Hazel yelled desperately.

"Well, Leo can! Duh!" Jason yelled back.

Piper screamed back with a very confused tone (Look, people. No one has any idea how that works, but deal with it. This is fanfiction. Anything's possible), "WHERE IS THE REPAIR BOY WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!"

"IN HIS ROOM, TALKING TO CALYPSO!" Frank answered frankly.

The situation was getting worse by the second and by now, everyone was screaming in panic. Everyone, screaming, I'm telling you! Even Nico… Now that was weird…

"GO GET HIM OUT OF HIS FREAKING ROOM!" Nico squealed.

Yes, people. Today is a monumental day! Nico is squealing!

Coach Hedge was nowhere to be seen (thank goodness).

Eventually, the demigods decided to send Jason to get Leo because not everyone had the power to pull a guy away from his girlfriend.

"OWN UP! WHERE'S THE NINJA ASSASIN?!" a goatly voice yelled.

There was an 'Oh no' to be heard and then all hell broke loose.

* * *

"You hang up first!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"Um… I'll hang up for the two of you," Jason interrupted.

He pressed the 'POWER' button and the screen went completely black.

"HEY!" Leo complained or was it whined?

"It's for your own good. And the ship's. There's some kind computerised virus attacking the ship's chicken nugget shield," Jason explained.

"Say that again."

"Why?"

"It's funny hearing you say something random, like chicken nugget shield."

Jason rolled his eyes and whacked the back of Leo's head.

"Get to it, repair boy."

* * *

Leo took out the batteries from the Wii controller and then reinserted them. He pressed Ctrl, Alt and Delete on the laptop and then entered Jupiter, 9, Orion, Serpent, and Omega into a bronze sphere.

"They're officially off our tail. And I installed voice recognition into the mega cup holders. No need to thank me. No actually, thank me," Leo rambled on.

Thankfully, the others didn't thank him. Leo clearly didn't need even more ego stroking.

"Am I done, here?" Leo asked hopefully.

He wanted - no he needed – to get back to Calypso.

"Not so fast, Leo. You've spent the last three days talking to her and you've missed out on seven monsters. We are banning you from that room until you prove yourself."

"How?"

"We'll see…"

"Am I allowed to call her one last time to tell her why I'll be off the radar for a few days?"

"Sure-" Frank started but Jason was absolutely ruthless.

"No, I'm going to go in your place and tell her for you," he ordered mercilessly.

'Damn,' Leo thought to himself, 'I wanted to talk to Calypso just one more time and I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids.'

* * *

Leo scrubbed the dish. Despite the fact that the dishes were enchanted to give you any kind of food you could possibly think of, they could not clean themselves. And additionally, the Argo II did not have an unlimited supply of those plates.

Although Leo had a pair of lava-proof gloves on, he could still feel the over-whelming heat. Apparently, Percy Jackson was given the same punishment when he was around thirteen.

'On the bright side,' Leo thought, 'Great minds think alike. YAY! That means we're both great!'

Leo had a mini celebration inside his head. Maybe Leo could be heroic too.

Maybe when all this was over, Leo would finally become an awesome hero.

**Thank you for reading!**

**Please, please, please review to tell me what to do with this story coz if I get stuck, I won't be able to update so regularly. And then there'll be an awful chain of events which will lead to me giving this story a crap ending or completely deleting it.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	16. Buford gets the Girl

**Hey guys!**

**Please have fun reading the latest chapter!**

**If you find the time, could you please also read my best friend's fanfic: The Misadventures of a Bald Emo?**

**I do not own PJO, coz I'm probably just not awesome enough… :(**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Buford gets the Girl

Leo scowled. The rest of the quest had decided to let him clean the entire ship without magic or robots. It was torture but Leo was only doing it for quality time with Calypso. The stupid things he did for love… It was official: Leo was pathetic.

Currently, Leo was stuck in the Engine Room doing repairs on the engine (that Buford happened to have a mega crush on).

He was thinking to himself. 'Oh gee, my table has a more stable relationship than I do.'

It was truly a sad, sad life…

Leo polished the pipes connected to the enchanted furnace. The sooner he could prove himself, the sooner he could talk to Calypso.

People out there were wrong. Long distance relationships weren't that bad even if the girl was in a different dimension.

* * *

Leo was now in Hazel's room. He wasn't very sure if it was appropriate for him to be cleaning a girl's room. What if he found something like a secret diary or underwear or even WIGS?! What if Hazel was secretly bald and wore wigs to cover it up?!

This is what happens inside the mind of an ADHD and dyslexic kid.

Leo's focus strayed further away from cleaning the room and more into randomness.

If he ever got interrogated by people maybe someone could invent a mind-reading helmet. And then when they read his mind, he'll be all like: 'Rainbows, unicorns, tacos, ponies, laptops, cookies, dandelions, THIS BOY IS ON FIRE, etc'

Maybe he could invent a mind-reading hat…

Leo vigorously shook himself out of it and concentrated on cleaning the room. He got a duster out of his utility belt and started dusting the walls when he noticed the notice board. There was a picture of Sammy pinned up against the felt with pretty, multi-coloured pushpins.

Leo examined his great grandfather's curly, black hair and his crazy, goofy grin. Sammy was so much funnier than Leo. He was wearing a striped cap and a tacky, blue T-shirt. 'So that's who I got my fashion sense from,' Leo thought sarcastically.

'Well, on with the cleaning!'

* * *

"Am I done yet? Have I proved myself?" Leo asked hopefully. It had taken more than three days to clean the entire ship and Leo hoped that it had paid off.

"Uh… No… We just got you to clean the ship because:

1) The ship's filthy and

2) No one else wants to do it."

"So I wasted three and a half days of my precious on doing something that didn't need to be done?!" Leo exclaimed.

"Oh no, no, no," Piper corrected while shaking her head, "The ship really did need cleaning."

"You said I could go back to my room if I proved myself! It's not fair!" Leo whined like a child.

"Uh," Jason said awkwardly while scratching his head, "By proving yourself, we meant something like destroying an epic monster…"

Leo bit his lip to hold back any snarky comments. 'If the rest of the quest wants me to slay a monster, then so be it,' Leo thought heroically. He sighed and headed to the control room.

* * *

Calypso was in the "man cave" that Leo had left behind. It held fragments of memories. She looked at the navigational device that they had built together. Sadly, it never had a chance to be used when the raft arrived.

Right now, the magical defences of Ogygia were unstable and could crumble at any moment which meant that there had to be cracks or openings in the force shield. 'If I could adjust the device, maybe I could track down all the wisps of magical energy…' Calypso thought to herself. And in no time, Calypso's mind was running off like an evil genius'.

Her hands flew across the wires of the navigational device in hopes of reprogramming the machine to recognise traces of magical activity of the shield.

'And then once I can see where the shield is crumbling, I'll be capable to travel between the two dimensions. And then I'll somehow find Leo. On second thoughts, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it… Provided that there actually is a bridge.'

Let's not get this wrong people, reprogramming a navigational device is actually very hard work (contrary to popular belief) so please do not try this at home unless of course, you're an evil genius too...

* * *

"Let's get this party started," Calypso told herself.

**Thank you for reading. Like I said before, please review to tell me how you feel and feel free to give me suggestions.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**


	17. A Revolving Journey

**Hey guys!  
Sorry for not updating in ages because I recently got a new laptop from school and I'm getting used to it (despite the fact that I got myself locked out of it on the first day). So here is my chapter. Hope you enjoy it! :)**

I do not own PJO or any of its characters because if I did, there would be a goddess of penguins.

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ A Revolving Journey  
The compass was going haywire. Calypso frowned dignifiedly then pondered over it. Even though the device was technically worked, Ogygia was in the middle of nowhere which meant that compass north could be anywhere.

The needle stayed at North-West and then instantly darted to East. The second needle rotated in an anti-clockwise direction and landed on South. Calypso sighed disgruntledly. Finding a way to the outside world would be a lot harder than she expected.

* * *

Leo was in another dimension (literally!) worrying over his own problems. He was up on the decks trying to somehow lure some advice out of Festus, again.

Call him sad but Leo simply couldn't summon the courage to ask any other living organisms on the ship (and let's not even mention people not on the ship) on advice concerning his romantic troubles. Hephaestus was actually right (for once). None of the family on his dad's side were much good at interacting or anything to do with getting along with humans.

'Great Dad,' Leo screamed inside his head, 'I just had to inherit my social awkwardness from you, didn't?!'  
Leo shook his head. 'Save it for when you actually see him.'

"Creak," the bronze masthead creaked.

'Oh well… At least it was a better reaction than it was last time,' Leo thought sadly.  
Unless Festus has girl troubles too, Leo didn't see how Festus would be of any help.  
"Well, bye Big Guy…"

Leo shuffled his feet down the wooden steps and made his way over to the mess hall. He pulled one out of the stack and sat down at the long table where the rest of the crew was waiting.

"Oh? Is it lunch already coz I was just grabbing a quick snack," Leo explained.

Everyone quickly glanced at each other and Jason nodded.  
"Leo, this is dinner," he said slowly.

Leo shrugged casually, "Kay. Does it really matter?"  
On the inside, Leo was thinking to himself, 'Either I woke up really, really late or I spent loads of time having a one-sided conversation with Festus.'

A vast piece of pale-pink cake appeared on the plate. Before sitting down on the bench, Leo grabbed one of the enchanted glasses and wished for coffee. That is, Leo's special version of coffee.

Leo awkwardly sat on the bench.  
"Hey… Was 'sup?" he asked casually, trying to start a non-awkward conversation.

"You would know if you ate all your meals with us, Cupcake!" Coach Hedge screamed into his left ear.

Leo winced and then immediately shuffled a few inches to his right.

Piper looked Leo in the eye and gave him a knowing look which he returned with a torrent of grateful looks.  
"Coach, you haven't attended many meals yourself so you're not one to talk," she accused.

The coach blushed tomato red and then started stuttering curses. Moments later, there was a very flustered satyr storming out of the hall. Occasionally, Coach Hedge stumbled into wall which caused him to yell, "Watch where you're going!"

The remaining six demigods rolled their eyes.

* * *

The sparkling crystal twinkled in the moonlight, littering patches of rainbow light all over the island. The crystal had somehow fixed the problem with the magnetic needle.

If you asked Calypso, she wouldn't really be able to explain it but the important thing was that it worked. It wasn't like she was going to be lecturing a bunch of schoolkids on why the small gem worked.

Calypso headed off the island on the raft she made with Leo. She was currently heading South-East and planned to keep it that way unless she saw land. Eventually, she had to hit some kind of land formation, right?

Sometime later, a giant rock cropping could be seen.

'Finally!' She thought to herself.  
She rowed over and got off the raft.

"Damn!" she yelled for anyone out there in Ogygia to here. If you were there at that time, you would've definitely heard it.  
She was back on the other side of Ogygia.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've started school again so I might not find a lot of time to keep on writing. Don't worry! I won't stop writing until I'm complete! :D**


	18. Llamas R Us

**Good work people! 4000+ views!  
I've somehow found the time to update despite my busy schedule. I'm in the middle of class right now! *blush blush*  
Please also read my friend's fanfic: The Misadventures of a Bald Emo.**

**I do not own PJO because Rick Riordan is not sitting in Textiles right now.**

_**The Adventures of a Lovesick Idiot:**_ Llamas R Us  
Calypso was ready for Test Run 2.0. She had tinkered with the magnets in the compass and found that it was more stable.  
Now all Calypso had to count on, was the magical defences.

She took a deep breath and prayed. If relying on those power hungry immortals was what it took to get out of Ogygia, Calypso would take that chance.

* * *

Leo sat on his bed wondering about what Calypso was doing at the time. Despite the fact that the communication device was only inches in front of him, he resisted the urge to turn it on.

He felt like he was back in kindergarten. The teacher was telling his not to touch the big, red button. Yes, it was the same kindergarten that Leo got kicked out of for playing with fire and unintentionally burning five classrooms, a library and a hall.

'Good times,' Leo thought suavely.

Leo pulled his metal scraps out of his back pocket. It had been ages since he had even thought about them despite his uncontrollable ADHD.  
Leo slightly bent one of the pieces of metal to make it fit perfectly with the other. A screw or two or fifteen later, Leo tried to fly the plane. It managed to fly around five feet before dropping to the ground dead.

Leo frowned and bit his upper lip. He scrutinised the contraption. Everything fit into each other and there were no screws missing which should've guaranteed the propeller to work.  
He then spun the tri-blade propeller with his finger slowly and found that it would occasionally get caught on the edge of the bronze. He bent over the corner to straighten it out and Leo then tried to fly the plane again.

Even though the plane worked, Leo wasn't quite satisfied because it caused such a commotion. He started wondering about how to reduce the volume level and he treaded over the line into Leo-world.

Nico took that opportunity to waltz in (no, he didn't really waltz) stealthily.

Leo stared. Nico really wasn't the type to randomly walk into someone else's room without a clear objective so he had to be here for a reason.

Leo's jaw hit the ground as if he just saw Hades dropping by in his boxers.

Nico took one glance at Leo's expression and quickly said, "Nope. Forgot what I was going to say. Bye!"

Nico was gone in a blink of the eye and reappeared in the same manner, "Forget that I was ever here," before disappearing again.

Leo continually turned his head back and forth from the doorway to the television. 'Strange kid,' he thought.

* * *

Calypso ran her fingers through her hair. She had let it down because she used the hair-tie to bind two planks of wood together. The raft was coming along nicely although some of the bindings were coming loose.

She looked at her only chance of escape from isolation (the raft) and blinked. Now all Calypso had to do was keep on sailing out until the magical defences wore down or failed.  
Being a goddess trying to break out of house arrest sure was boring.

She couldn't wait to break free and started wondering about what life was like outside. Calypso tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and thought about the life that Percy had described. Cars, tall apartments, no stars and worst of all: NO GARDENS!

'If I really do manage to escape from Ogygia, I'll have to grow a garden. I have to,' Calypso thought determinedly. Living in the outside world would be… different compared to the island. What would she wear? Where would she live? How would she get by? Questions circled around in her mind before Calypso vigorously shook them out. She sat on the raft, picked up the paddle and then started rowing.

* * *

**Ages and ages and ages later…**  
Calypso saw the exact same rock cropping that she saw last time.

She sighed and began rowing out to sea again.  
"One more time," Calypso said out loud. "Third time's the charm, right?"

* * *

**Ages and ages and ages later… Again…  
**Calypso caught sight of land once again, but there wasn't a rock cropping that looked like a three-legged unicorn in sight.

'I guess three times really is the charm,' Calypso thought to herself.  
She stopped rowing and waited for the current to pull her in.

And when she washed up on shore she noticed a mountain that didn't seem to be there before because it was obscured by mist. As in mist, not Mist mist. Greek mythology sure was confusing.

Calypso turned her head up to look at the mountain before a furry animal fell out of the sky. Was that a llama?

**I'll try my best to update tomorrow but I've got school so don't count on it.**

**Pick your randomest/favourite word and post it via reviews.**

**I will choose the TOP 3 and use them in CHAPTER 20. The winners will be announced in Chapter 19 so I won't be updating until I get at least 5 entries.**

**Additionally, 1st Place gets to read Chapter 20 before anybody else does.**  
**Same deal as last time.**

**BRING ON THE FLAMES, COS UNCLE LEO'S HERE!**  
**Please also review to tell me how you feel about my writing!**


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